I have been thinking recently about grief and the subjects that come up in our Grief Share classes. We talk a lot about walking through  sadness,  anger,  loneliness, but recently I have been thinking about walking out the NUMB!.

Those days after the loss of a loved one, where you have nothing to give to anyone. Not to others and most assuredly not to the person in the mirror. The one with the puffy, hollowed eyes with the black circles and empty gaze.

My best picture of NUMB comes from remembering 11 months ago today. August 20^th/2024. The day after my daughter Autumn’s 49^th birthday. The one without the cake and the candles. A crowd of people stood outside the door of her home. Everyone stood in silence as two gracious workers from the funeral home rolled the cart with my baby on it. They put her in the back of their SUV and drove off with the remains of my little girl.

I was functioning on very little sleep. I remembered this only after others talked about it.

 After a short while I stepped out onto the patio and said “Well I am really tired now, my daughter is dead, and I am going home. That is the NUMB I am speaking of.

Others said it reminded them of the scene in the Forest Gump movie. He had ran across American and suddenly he stopped, all those following him grew silent thinking he was going to say something profound. But he just said “I’m tired now, I think I’ll go Home.

I want to say right here, when you hear a person say God is good, God is faithful it is most definitely not because we have found a magical place to retreat and be free of the sad, the pain or the numb. It just means that I/they have found a place deep, deep in the depth our being where we know that our God, that bigger than us God hears and honors our silence.

There is a verse in the Bible 2 Corinthians 12:9. It says His strength is perfect, when our strength is gone. Perfect doesn’t mean UN-anything. It instead means complete and @ peace. The best thing about getting my strength from Him is that it is not contingent on anything or anyone in my surroundings. Including me and my various revolving emotions and attitudes. I may feel a resounding sense of emptiness, and yet! It can still be well with my soul. The words of an old song. (I have found a place of quiet rest near to the heart of God.)

Looking back (even to the recent look backs). God has used my empty so many times to fill someone else’s need at that exact right time.

Maybe today is your exact right time!

Psalm 23:4 reads, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” 

My prayer is that you will find comfort in your NUMB!

I trust as we read the following very popular writing, we’ll each better understand that He carried us until our feet were no longer numb.

Footprints by  Margaret Fishback Powers

Blessings! Thanks for Reading!