Autumn Update

Autumn is still spending time visiting. Mostly at her home. Really needs different housing to meet her current needs. So hard to find. It is very expensive to apply. $25 per adult per application. Even if they have previously applied for a different unit in the same complex, they still charge again. They need to stay within driving distance of his job in Reedsburg.

Physically she is beginning to use oxygen as needed. Her stomach is not tolerating some of the meds or increases.

But we still laugh, cry and pray together. And we cherish each new day.

His Love Endures Forever

Today I was reading my Bible. Psalm 136: versus 1 – 26 repeats the phrase, His love endures forever. Each verse starts with a statement then ends with His love endures forever. It goes on like this for 26 verses. I have been in churches where the pastor, priest, leader would read the first part and the people would respond with His love endures forever.

  The repetition did not go unnoticed today. Maybe for the first time I really stopped to ponder why each, and every verse ends with His love endures forever. To be honest, it felt, and sounded to me quite redundant. Me being me I looked up the word redundant to get a broader understanding, and it is used when something is deemed no longer necessary, required, or useful.  And I will have to admit that’s sort of how I felt.

 In Hope Bennett style I wanted to say OK Lord I get the point. Your love endures forever.  But today a voice inside me said “Oh really Hope, do you really get the point? Do you really understand why I repeatedly announce that My love endures forever”?

Hope, it is something that is on the heart of man throughout their life. Educated, uneducated, rich or poor, religious or not. How many times has everyone ever said to you? Do you think God really loves me?  I have always wondered if God could love me? I wonder even after what I have done, can God still love me? I wonder if I still deserve to have God love me? I’ve heard that question asked far more times, than do you really believe there is a God?

 I believe there is a God shaped spot in each one of us, that nothing else can fill.  It reminds me of the vintage Tupperware ball. It was blue and red with bright yellow shapes. Each shape had it’s place and didn’t matter how hard you tried to fit the square in the triangle it wasn’t going in. I believe we try so hard to fit so many things in that God shaped place in our heart.

 Yes! I have been asked many times Hope do you really think God loves me. To be truthful, I have asked that same question.

 I am beginning after my pondering to understand why God repeatedly gives the answer to man’s biggest question. Does God Love Me? And that answer is YES, because His love endures forever.

 

 The Falls Chapter 9/2   Enjoy!

Once again, I was left with that peace that goes beyond my need to understand. After this point of struggle and pain, God sent me an angel Dr he was the gentlest, tender, caring, and intelligent Dr to date. Except of course Dr. Tim.

I still didn’t have any answers. No word, except trust me. The doctor had them put new unbleached sheets on my bed. As well as applying lotion to most of my body each shift. Everything felt like a ten-day old bad sunburn.

My vision was starting to unscramble. It was clear, but words were scrambled. I couldn’t understand that the shapes were letters. I knew how to read but they didn’t look like anything to me. Sort of hard to explain.

Maybe like seeing Chinese written for the first time and trying to read what it said. But it was starting to clear. However, I still needed large print to keep my eyes from staining, thus getting tired real fast.

I began to read my Bible, again. I always thought if I got sick, I would sit back and read forever. I love the 119 Psalm and I gain much strength from it. I got a large print Bible from the Hospital chaplain; it was big and heavy. I was still weak, so I couldn’t move it around much.

When my granddaughter was brought in for her first visit with grandma, they laid her beside me, because I was too weak to lift her. All 7 lbs. of her.

Some of my favorite scriptures, especially during this time, were found in the 119 Psalm. I think the second verse I ever memorized as a kid. Right after John 3:16 was from that Psalm Thy word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against thee. Trust in the Lord with all that you have. My strength to trust only came from that word I had hidden deep in my heart. Anything we hold tight to for strength, better be strong enough to hold us when our world is tipped bottom side up. I was not shy about sharing the God I had faith in with my Drs. Their response wasn’t any of my business. Besides whom can know the heart of man, except God.

This Psalm speaks a lot about meditating which I had all kinds of time to do. Meditating is not something we do while humming Kumbaya, rather it is the art of pondering a thought. I laugh when people say, well I don’t think I could ever sit and meditate. If we can worry, then we can meditate. Just need to change the focus of my thoughts.

 Another verse says in that Psalm says In the night Lord, I remember your name. It had become a routine. At 8 pm they would get me ready for bed, this always included two pain pills. I would fall asleep, then I would wake at about 2 am. Not in pain, just very comfortable. I would lie there and just talk to the Lord. Just tell him everything and anything. We should never get so trite and flippant with our reverence to God, but let us never forget He said, “He calls himself a friend.” Proverbs 18:24 says He created us for fellowship. He loves just to spend time with us. Just like we like to spend time with those we love.

 There probably has never been a time in my life in which I had a greater need to know what the word had to say about life. It has been good that I found him in my illness in a much greater way than I have ever known. Because, I have learned HIS word in a much greater way. I now understand deep down (in my knower) in whom I have believed and that he is a keeper of all that I commit to him. {2 Timothy 1:12}

 Does that mean life is always great? Absolutely not, but it gives me a place to go to find both peace and rest.

His words have given me comfort and hope. I can’t begin to tell you how many times that has happened. Just when I would think I could hang on no longer, a verse would come to me. Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and take courage. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Do you notice there are some action words there. We must take courage and be strong.

In the book of I Samuel David (later King David) was in a cave with his followers, David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; they were understandably upset. Their sons and daughters had been captured by the enemy army. They were all questioning David’s leadership.

It says David encouraged and strengthened himself in the Lord. We spend a lot of time waiting for others to uplift us, encourage us, pray for us, give us a word. Someday you may find yourself in a very dark cold cave, surrounded by those that once followed you. Only now they don’t like you, don’t trust you and aren’t too crazy about your God. You can give up or get up; and encourage yourself in the Lord. He will never leave you or forsake you.

Another verse in this psalm says I have seen that everything human has its limits, no matter how excellent, intelligent or noble, but your commands are broad, and endlessly eternal. All the specialists in several hospitals couldn’t figure my body out. I felt like Humpty-Dumpty. All the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men couldn’t put Humpty-Dumpty together again. But God can! Didn’t know when or how, BUT I had learned that He was the best place to put my trust.

The Doctor that admitted me was pretty sure I had a stone in my liver. But with all the HMO’s everything must get to a certain level on their scale of pain, sickness or disease before they will OK a procedure. So, when my liver levels got bad enough, they went in with a scope and cut into the duct that once connected my gallbladder. He said the pressure was so high that the stone just flew out so fast they didn’t even get a good look at it. He called it a stress stone. He said they are formed when the body has been under great trauma or stress.

I felt better right away, but I was a bit yellow due to elevation in liver levels. They put me on medication to fix that and it didn’t agree with my body, and you guessed it off to ICU I went. It seemed my blood pressure was dropping too low. Spent a couple of days there before I was moved back to a regular room.

Psalms 119 also reminded me to rise before dawn and cry for help. I have put my hope in your word Lord.

Every morning like clockwork at 5:30 am, they would roll the cart in from lab to get a few tubes of blood. It was very important that my liver began filtering properly. The blood draws were so bad that I always prayed with the lab person before they began. They didn’t mind at all. More than once, I would see tears in their eyes. Most times it would take a second or third try. As I mentioned before there were times they had to go to my feet. My veins were very bad.

Every morning, I would remember verses that promised my God was right there with me. When I heard the cart coming down the hall I knew two things, they were coming, and He was there. It was funny it seemed whenever the lab attendant looked at me with that OK lady whatever when I mentioned praying it would go right in. It was a testimony to God and his faithfulness. And you just can’t have a testimony without a test.

Twelve days after entering the hospital I once again went home. I still needed liver levels done every three days. But I was going home. I was very weak, so I was taken home, and I returned to my bedroom.

 He is faithful to give us that peace that not only passes all understanding. Real peace comes when you know longer feel the need to understand.  I had found true communion with God truly leads a soul to trust.

Blessings!  Thanks for reading!