Autumn update.

           Still losing weight, still unable to keep much down. On the 28^th  (next Tuesday they will decide if they will allow another treatment or turn her care over to the hospice team.)  It is a BUT GOD! time. As I have continued to say. My God is able to do OVER and ABOVE anything I can ask or think…of that I am for sure. But I also know sometimes people I love are not healed HERE!

                        The Line Shack!

When Cowboys still worked cattle on horseback, the term “Line Shack” referred to a small cabin built on the open range where cowboys could take shelter from nature’s wrath while working away from their own ranch. In some areas trappers and hunters still use them.

I have heard and seen in movies that there is a “Line Shack” code.

Before you left the shack you made sure the wood stove was full…a nights wood was in…the water jars were full…and when possible a bit of nonperishable food and a blanket were left behind.  You always made sure that it was ready for anyone needing shelter. At times it was a place of rest, other times it may even save a life.

To me that is such a picture of this Bible verse 2 Corinthians 1:3–4

 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted”. 

My desire it that my struggles in life have left a few Line Shacks where people can stop and rest and find their needs met. Maybe their very survival depends on the shelter of ONE of OUR LINE SHACKS. Let’s make sure before we move on from our struggles that we think of those traveling behind us and keep our hearts supplied with what the next weary traveler may need to survive. Lord never allow me to forget the times someone else’s Line Shack gave me hope.

The Falls Chapter 7/ Part 1 Enjoy!

This was perhaps was the most emotional time of my entire ordeal. It was to quote —–both the best of times and the worst of times.  Seriously, I believe 95% of the people in my life didn’t agree with what I was doing. For the most part, I don’t think they could begin to understand. To tell you the truth, I didn’t even understand. Once again it was one of those things that was hard to understand from the outside in, and hard to explain from the inside out.

I had been given so many medications and nothing was making anything any better, in fact, quite the opposite was happening. All I know is the Lord gave me one name. I had never met that person before. I knew of her through my sister. The Lord laid my name on her heart at the same time. All I had was a name. It wasn’t the name that gave me the strength to leave the failing sense of security, rather the one who spoke the name into my spirit.

You may think a word from the Lord was all I needed. However, take my word for it, his wasn’t the only voice I heard. My body felt and looked ninety, but my emotions felt like thirteen. Remember the pimples, the boys, and the overwhelming urge to govern our lives by what THEY might say, or THEY might think. The power of THE GREAT THEY! It doesn’t seem to matter how old we get; we still have the tendency to lose a lot of sleep due to what is commonly understood as young teenage syndrome. “Peer Pressure”.

Now THEY can be parents, children, and friends, even enemies. No matter their identity, THEY are out there. They may think badly of me if I go, if I do, if I say, and on and on it goes.

The catheter had been removed from my chest due to infection, thus making further dialysis impossible. This was the second foreign object that my body was having no part of. At this point, my body wasn’t accepting anything too gracefully. It had become so toxic, everything they did seemed to have a negative effect.

 I was very weak, some thought too weak to have been left with any decision-making power. I knew I was fighting for my life, and day-by-day I could feel it slipping through my hands. My husband knew it too. When I asked him months later why he took me out of the care of the medical profession when all the voices were screaming NO! He said: I didn’t know if you would live if I took you, but I knew you were dieing in the hospital. Every time I came, you were worse than when I left. I know I didn’t have the Faith in either God or the herbs that you did, but we both had lost our faith in the medical professionals, mostly because they stopped listening. No matter what we said, they did what they wanted to, and though not intentionally, they were killing you.

I realized it was easier for my friends and family to sleep at night knowing that I was tucked in bed in a hospital full of trained doctors and nurses. They were the only ones that felt that way. I knew when they limited my fluids to a very small amount that it was the wrong thing to do. I know they were kidney specialists, but I couldn’t help thinking my kidneys would never work if they didn’t have anything to work with. So, I would ask to be set up on the commode then I would drink several of those little Dixie cups full of the nastiest tasting water I had ever drank. It tasted like warm bleach water.

 I remember as a child, people would come to our house in the country and be discussed by our water. For all defining purposes, it was swamp water. Give me a cup of swamp water over this city water any day. I couldn’t drink a lot because my stomach was very sensitive yet. However, I always felt better after I drank. I think we as Americans so underestimate our bodies need for water. I know a lot of the weakness in our elderly is not from old age or disease, but from dehydration. Our bodies are made up of 60% water. I was so weak I couldn’t sit for very long.

 I would turn on my light sometimes they came and sometimes they didn’t. I learned to have them place my commode where I could both reach the water and fall into bed. It would take a long time to work my way to its least painful position. My burned skin rubbing against the stiff bleach washed sheets. I would stay on the commode until I got so weak I had to move. More times than not, no one came to answer my light.

One of my stays in the hospital my daughters had to change my sheets. They had not changed for four days.  I had a procedure done four days earlier and the blood from it was still on the sheets. I also was a nursing, and I know the overload of duties, or how sometimes you just forget something. I also know what neglect is, and dirty sheets for four days in a well know large American hospital comes with few excuses.

The doctor wanted me to come back for more tests on Monday. He couldn’t tell me why. Just more tests. In all fairness to them, they were using all their resources to help me. Anyway, I had not yet decided against going back for more tests until after I got home. I really wasn’t sure what to do, but I knew my body was dieing.

It is hard to stand up to the multitudes that don’t see things your way. I encourage people to become their own advocates. Don’t let others run your life even if they are highly educated specialists. This is your life don’t turn its total care over to anyone else. Even Doctors who at times get the I am God mentality. I know they do not like to be challenged, but sometimes you just must do what you must do. They absolutely weren’t bad doctors or people, but all they had to offer was making me worse. My primary doctor said, sometimes God just sends us someone to remind us that we really aren’t in charge, and Hope you are that person.

So, I decided with fear and trepidation to not return to the hospital. There is a saying when the fear of staying the same becomes greater that the fear of change you will change. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I was sure it had to be something different. My body was fighting for its very life, and was losing ground daily.

I nestled once again into my bed in the back of my van headed home to be welcomed by a multitude of people telling me what I should do. Everyone from the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker. Everyone knew what was best for me. All sorts of advice, some spiritual, some physical and everything in between. I tried to thank them for their concern and support.

 I found myself even growing weaker dealing with the emotionalism from everyone. I didn’t know a lot about what was ahead, but one thing I did know was each day I woke up it was more of a struggle to fight to be part of this world. I became very aware of the short distance between here and there. Which was comforting. I had just lost my mom and now I knew she wasn’t far away at all. Just on the other side of the vale.

I knew I not only had to get away from the toxic medicines, but from the toxic opinion of everyone. I had heard that still small voice, and it is so easy to let all the other voices drown it out. Therefore, I needed to go where no one knew I was. So, my husband and I just ran away. Only a few people knew where we were, and most of those didn’t necessarily agree with our decision, but they supported us anyway.

      The Falls Chapter 7 Part 2 …coming Soon!

Blessings! Thanks for Reading!