Autumn Update: Continues to lose weight. Study still on hold BUT!!! She had scans last week (the 8-week Immunotherapy scans) She has had no Treatments since the last scan (8 weeks ago) due to her continued weight loss. BUT the scans show the cancer has continued to improve. She will go to an acupuncturist tomorrow. He admits he can’t do anything about the cancer BUT he feels quite confident that acupuncture can help with the nausea and vomiting. Which in turn can get some weight back on and therapy can resume. Other plan is IF the weight doesn’t improve all therapy will stop and she will become a Hospice patient May 28^th.

WE WILL CONTINUE TO TURN OVER EACH AND EVERY STONE..UNTIL IF & WHEN THERE ARE NO MORE STONES TO TURN!!!  Thanks for your continued prayers and support.

Habakkuk 3: 17-19 NIV

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

¹⁹ The Sovereign Lord is my strength;

If you haven’t read previous chapters of my Book , and wish to, they began Jan 8/2024…The last post with Chapter 5 /Part 2 was April 14/2024

The Falls Chapter 6 /Part 1 ENJOY!

         Once again, I was home in my bed. I couldn’t feed myself, wasn’t hungry so it wasn’t a problem. I couldn’t toilet myself. After this last trip into the hospital, I could no longer position myself in bed. My husband was still on sick leave, the kids helped but mostly my sister took care of me. I needed total care, I hated that, but at least I was home in my own bed, for that I was thankful.

 The grandkids came and went through out the days. It is interesting to see the vast difference in their personalities.

         The oldest one Kyle 6 just kept asking when I would be able to get out of bed again. Then was Jatara 4 and her brother Jason not quite 2 were afraid of me, seeing me sick just made them uncomfortable. They came and went from the room fast. Colby just turned 2, liked to say hello to grandma each time he came, but there was a lot of playing to be done and he intended to get right at it. I was still too sick and weak to hold Baby Gabby, so they would lay her next to me in bed.  Randi Joy was 3, she was going to school and become a doctor so she could make grandma better. She would sit for long periods on my bed and just talk and talk. She is full of wonder. She is five now. The other day she said, “Grandma can I asked you question?” I was ready for a five-year old’s inquiry about birds or bees, or something similar. Instead, she said, “Grandma what does honey glazed ham mean?”

*I remember a few years later she asked her older brother “What is it, a sloppy jo? To which he replied, “It is ham-a-burger and wet bread”. I must admit coming from a 6-yr-old that was quite an accurate description.

These grandchildren now range from 21-27yrs old. Since 2002 we have had 2 more grandchildren which are now 19 and 20. And as it happens, I also have 5 Great Granddaughters.

         I didn’t look much like grandma. I had lost almost 70 lbs, my skin was burned, and it is peeling off in sheets. I was pale, my hair was thinning, and I could hardly talk, when I did, it was weak. This was new for all of us; grandma was the one that everyone else went to when they needed help.

         For the most part, I just slept. Sometimes for five minutes, sometimes five hours. Ever other day I would go for dialysis, which totally wiped me out, and then I would sleep some more. At first, I would sleep and eat. Now I just slept. My mouth was so full of sores>  No matter, hot or cold it all hurt. My body was so full of candida {yeast}. I was a mess.!

         Remembering the high fever when they thought my groshant was infected. Would you believe it was happening again, the catheter I had in my chest for the dialysis was infected or so they thought. It turned out that like the groshant my body was rejecting it. That left us with quite a predicament. Once again, they were saying there is nothing we can do. My creatinine was over 6 even after several weeks of dialysis. At 8 it is life threatening without treatment, the only treatment was dialysis. I was so weak. I didn’t talk much, but I sure could hear, and what I was hearing, wasn’t very encouraging. They told my family that without dialysis, I wouldn’t make it.

         How do people make it through this stuff without Jesus? He and I were getting closer by the minute. During these times, you feel your grip on this world loosening. In exchange you begin having an eternal perspective. It is full of that peace that passes our very ability or need to understand. It isn’t scary at all when the creator of time and eternity has become your best friend. That one that never leaves you or abandons you. Not even when you are been pushed into a small room with shelves full of clean linen, while you waited for the Doctor to appear and tell you what she discovered in the latest exploratory surgery. They couldn’t put me in recovery due to the infectious disease. Always wondered under those circumstances. who thought putting me with the clean linens was a great idea 😊

  The Bible says the power of life and death is in MY tongue. So, I just said Lord if you want to take me go ahead. I didn’t want to leave my family, but I know verse 2 Timothy 1:12 says I know whom I have believed and am convinced that he is able to guard and KEEP what I have entrusted to him.

         My mom had been gone for several months at that time. Since then, (15 months later , to the day) my dad also went home to be with the Lord. We played a song at his funeral. It said Leave me a message on the far side of Jordan, draw me an arrow there in the sand, let it point to where you’ll be waiting, and we’ll walk to Jesus’ hand in hand. That is what I can see happening in my mind’s eye. I am happy for them, I would never wish them back, but today is Fathers Day, my first one without him. I just miss him a lot today. I can still hear his reply whenever someone would say they loved him. He would say, “Well now that’s a mighty tall order, or that’s a hard job to do. No, it wasn’t Dad, despite everything, loving you wasn’t hard at all. This day I just looked toward heaven and said Happy Father’s Day to both my fathers.

The one who knew me in my mother’s womb, according to Psalm 139:13 and the one who physically put me there.

Four and a half years ago my husband of nearly 49 years passed away. So, one day I too will look for an arrow, and the two of us will walk to Jesus hand in hand.

         I was taken back to the hospital with a 103 temperature. Once again, they thought the staph was the problem. All though it wasn’t gone yet, the big problem was that my body was rejecting the catheters they had in my chest for the dialysis. They tried several things then decide it had to come out. The doctor stood at the foot of my bed AGAIN!  and told my family there was nothing they could do.

         I asked them please don’t give me any more Myosin drugs. Don’t give me anything without my knowing it. I was very weak, but I woke in the morning to find once again a welted area from the tip of my finger to my shoulder, and across my chest. When I asked about medication, they said I had agreed the night before to try a new medication. I was so sick, and I believe they knew it. Anyway, they tried a new drug that not only was making me welt up but cost $2100.00 a month. I told them I wouldn’t take anymore. This was the exact reaction that had shut my kidneys down in the first place. They continued telling me there was no hope and they felt if I would just take 6 or 8 more doses they could get ahead of it.

They could get beyond the problem then. I guess according to them, I had agreed to that. I believe I would have died, that most certainly would have put us beyond the problem.

The doctor said they would do more tests on Monday, this was Friday. I told my husband to please take me home. This sparked a controversy that set the entire family on end. My oldest daughter didn’t speak to me for over a month. In all fairness to them I know it was easier for them knowing I was in a hospital with specialists and emergency care. I could feel life slipping from me; they were unable to do anymore for me. And worse than that, they had quit listening..

I have spent nearly fifty years believing that I was a body with a spirit in it. However, during these days I began to realize that though the body can become weak, and die, the spirit is forever. I was becoming weaker, and weaker all the time, and yet my spirit was never more alive that during those days.

 When you can only depend on him, you are more secure than at any other time in your life. I would hear people say! She is in such bad shape, I wished only for the strength to let them know I was in the best shape I had ever been in my life. I have always been a talker, being deathly sick didn’t change that; it just changed who I talked to. I spoke with the Lord, what seemed almost continuously.

 I didn’t spend all day begging for my life, I just talked to him. If you think you get a reprieve from correction for bad motives or attitudes when you are on your deathbed, you are very wrong. I knew each day I was in a classroom, and this was a test. I prayer Dear Lord you did not pray for Peter not to fail, you prayed that his faith would not fail. Please pray the same for me. I knew I would fail; I am human.  BUT!  I knew I would have nothing left if my faith failed.

What I didn’t know was if I passed the test, did I get to go with him, or stay her with you. Now I know some are saying now I don’t believe God puts people through these things to test them. NEITHER do I, but I know no matter what the situation, he is busy working it together for our good. Like a puzzle, the picture becomes clearer with each piece. Our part is to keep pressing on toward the target of eternity with Jesus.

Once again, I was put into my bed on the floor of our van, and we headed home. I was to return to the hospital for more tests after the weekend. Although I was very sick, and according to their report, probably dying. I made a very hard decision; I never went back to the hospital for tests.

Blessings! Thanks for Reading!