A couple years ago during a prayer retreat at Spencer Lake Bible Camp near Waupaca, we were given an assignment to go to a quiet place and ponder and choose one of three questions. These are questions Jesus asked various individuals.

1. John 1:38   What are you looking for?
2. Mark, 10:36   What do you want me to do for you?
3. Mark 8:29 Who do you say that I am?

      Many years ago I fought an 18-month battle with MRSA (antibiotic resistant staph infection) after knee surgery. Many months of let’s TRY!! So, they did and my body wasn’t happy. Before I wonder off down that path too far, it was a time when cognitively I struggled a lot. I had trouble remembering what to say or pray. Not that there is a formula, but it was one of my favorite and easiest things to do before. So, with a God prompt I took the ABCs and thought of things about my God that began with each letter. I thought I had kind of exhausted my list. UNTIL question #3 settled into my heart. Hope Bennett who do you say that I am.

 I’ll now take you on my trip as I wrestled with that question!!

                First I was taken back to a FB post I had seen recently. It was a smiling Jesus, creating a smiling baby on His potters wheel. I guess if I read an interpret scripture correctly Jesus was very involved in the creation of Hope Towne Bennett. Instead of creating me from a rib and dust, he took my mothers egg and one of the over 1 million sperm cells from my dad. (What if another cell would have gotten there first Hmm? _{Would I be the Hope you all know and love ?   😊  Sorry😊} He placed them both on his potter’s wheel and in the late days of winter on the 14^th of March 1951 he chose to introduce me to the world. (This makes Him My Creator)  

I wasn’t sent to a poor couple in a third world country, or a wealthy family that had been waiting for a baby for years. Rather I was sent to a couple that had counted pennies to feed and care for their previous 7 children, 5 boys and 2 girls. The last one arrived just 11 months ahead of me. I was born to the 26 year old Mom and 32 year old Dad about 8 years before they gave their lives to the Lord. I know that despite the fact that 12 more joined the family, my parents grew to understand as have I that (He is Our Provider). I have grown to BELIEVE that the Potter knew what he was doing when he placed me number 8 in a family of 20 in the center of Wisconsin.

        So, like most others we wrestled with the question where/what is my piece of this puzzle called Life. I have heard it said, and I have found it to be quite accurate, if you find the thing in life that bothers/upsets you the most, STOP and ask God what He would like you to do to be part of the answer. There in you’ll find your call, AKA Your piece of the puzzle.

As a young girl I have many memories of tagging behind my Dad through the halls and tunnels of the VA Hospital in Tomah. First thing as a little girl I noticed was that these people, mostly men were not like my grandparents. Many didn’t have families to visit them. It seemed they lined up for everything, their food, their pills, showers etc. No one came to them, they just lined up, it seemed no one talked to them. But I had a great example in my Dad he talked to everyone, as if they were his favorite. He smiled and asked how they were. He would ask them questions about what was going on in their lives. Like all of us they just wanted to know they had been seen. Many veterans, as well as others have pulled the plug on life, when they felt they were no longer seen.

 As a young girl my heart felt the need to fix that (Making God My Revealer). From those very early days I knew I wanted to be in nursing in some way. Years later with the Passion and Compassion (two more attributes of God) I became an LPN (licensed practical nurse). I worked mostly with the elderly, another group needing at times to just be seen. When you outlive all your relatives, you at times feel unseen. I personally won’t live long enough to experience that. 😊 I have MANY relatives.

Through the years I have had many opportunities to look into the eyes of hurting children who also felt (maybe their own perception), unloved, uncared-for, or unseen.

Thus in 1988 my husband Jim and I became foster parents. We were licensed for 4 children and most often that is how many we had. We helped many sibling groups.  For many reasons families are unable or unwilling to do this.

Where I came from, 4 wasn’t a lot. 😊 Besides it broke my heart to see kids not only separated from parents that may or may not have been unhealthy, unstable or many other possibly system contrived UNs! But we were unintentionally giving them the message that they didn’t deserve to be with any family. So, we believed that even if we could only fix some parts, we would choose that one. So, we fostered for 15 years.

To be driven to fix something to be like I think it needs to be is PASSION.

To be driven to fix what others need is COMPASSION! 

The Bible says Jesus moved in Compassion. Another attribute of God!

As we let each one go, possibly back to their families that may or may not have been fixed, I had to trust that He is their KEEPER,  and ours. Those were some of the most difficult days. It didn’t really depend on where they were going, you are always left with the questions, should I have? could I have? It was during one of these times the Lord used a situation on a very rainy night to make a point to me.

I was driving up the interstate in the dark, when I came upon a pickup truck. It had a sleeper of sorts on the back. But there wasn’t one light on the back of the truck. I said “Lord they don’t have any lights on their truck, they are going to get hit”. As if pointing this out to God was necessary. 😊 He responded but YOU DO so stay behind them! To which I pointed out another thing I am sure He knew 😊 that I was in a hurry because????????  I don’t remember why anymore. I kind of just lived my life in a hurry.

But I did stay behind them for the next 20 miles, then it was my exit, so needing yet another thing to worry about, I pointed out to God that I had to get off the next exit. I pointed out that possibly I should continue to follow him, to which He surprisingly said” No I’ve got them, you have done what I ask”.

It wasn’t long after that, it was time to say another good bye. During that time the Lord brought back the lightless pickup truck. He said” Hope in that same way you and Jim have traveled with these children as far as I intended. It is time for your exit. In the same way I put you there to follow the truck, I have placed you in their lives for a time. Your time has come to an end, but mine hasn’t. I will continue to follow and keep them. Psalm 68:6 says HE SETS the lonely in families. Each goodbye was a growing season in my life. God’s call on our lives, isn’t always pain free.

Then we fast forward a couple decades and I found out also in Psalm 68 that He is a defender of the widows. As I stepped into this season of my life I can assure you that He has me. He knew my yesterday, he walks with me this day, and He has my tomorrow. Once again, not always pain free.

While still at Spencer Lake Bible Camp. This time among my many belongings I was holding a small locket that I thought I would open and empty some of my daughter Autumn’s ashes at this same camp that she too loved and had many memories of. This was a promise I made to her months before she passed. She said “Mom I know you don’t want any of my ashes, but would you take some to Spencer Lake and put them somewhere near the kitchen where she worked one entire summer, or near the snack shop where she hung out and worked through the years, as well as treated her nieces and nephews during our many family vacations there.

As I walked, I said Lord “I know where to put Autumn’s ashes isn’t a big important thing to you, because she is safe there with you. But would you please help me discover a special place” …He then interrupted my one-sided conversation and said, “Hope don’t ever forget if it’s important to you, it’s important to me.” Just then I saw this big old tree trunk. I remembered even as a child getting in trouble for climbing it, as well as a few others. It no longer had leaves or branches. Just a solid old trunk but right in the center of it was a big knot hole. That was it, I knew it was, so at 5 am while the campground was quiet and empty, I reached down and dug out leaves etc., until I could reach no further and I then put the locket in my hand, reach as deep as I could and let it go. To the right of the tree was the kitchen, now turned into a bistro, across to the left you could see the snack shop. And straight ahead was gorgeous Spencer Lake. Yes, He cares about our stuff. Be it BIG stuff, LITTLE stuff or any in-between stuff. MY GOD CARES.

Blessings! Thanks for Reading!