As I sit here and look out my living room window…I see FALL. Colored leaves, on and off the trees. Blowing branches and a rainy 52’. Fall is always a bit nostalgic and reflective for me. That has been true for as long as I remember.

I go from summer memories and through the things I had planned to do, or get done by this time in the year. I was thinking about where I went this year. Not far. Then a bell goes off in my head that says, “Hope you spent the entire month of March in Texas.”

 My goodness that seems like a lifetime ago.

Of course then my mind goes to the holidays, in just a few  weeks we will have our Holiday seminar for Grief Share. I am reminded how fast it goes each time I fill my 2 week medication tray, or the garbage truck comes and I think WOW! It has already been another week. I don’t remember which little girl, but I remember she would always ask “How many sleeps it will be until?”

Christmas was always about the birth of Christ, not gifts when I grew up. We each got one gift, usually it was something you could wear, or at least it was useful. Which takes me back to thanksgiving, and I admit I wasn’t always thankful for my gift. I have said before. Maybe my parents couldn’t give us everything we wanted, or what the neighbor kids got, but I think we always got everything they had to give.

It might sound a bit cliché, but the biggest gift they gave us was Jesus.

About 6 years ago Jim and I decided to do something different for the holidays. That year on Thanksgiving we gave every family member $20, and they had to do something with it to bless someone else, not related to them. Then at Christmas we all shared what we did with out $20. I know others did cool things but recently Autumn said “That was my favorite Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her, and her husband Chris and daughter Kaci put their $60 together and sat near the McDonalds drive through. They would pick a car and then pay for their order. She said so many people stopped to talk to them, asking who they were, and why they paid for their food. After they explained, many of them thought it was so cool, they gave them more money to pay for other’s orders. They went with $60 and finished several hours later due to the generosity of others. I think most Americans are givers if someone points them in a trusted direction. Presently contemplating whether I can do that again this year for Autumn.

We have tried also to keep Jesus’s birth and gratitude at the center of our family holidays.

Four years ago, that became a much bigger challenge. December 21 Winter Solstice, the longest, darkest night of each calendar year, my husband Jim, the kid’s dad, grandkids grandpa and everyone’s Papa went home to heaven.

The struggle for me has been to keep Christmas about the day Jesus came to be the Savior of the world, and not about when Papa left.

This challenge has left me with mixed emotions. So I prayed, and ask Jesus how I should navigate these waters. The following was the answer I felt He impressed on my heart. But first let me take this from a Christmas story, to one I am sure most can relate to, the day we meet our loved ones in heaven.

Have you every felt guilty because when you think of heaven most times our first thoughts are not of seeing Jesus, the one that gave himself for us. My mind goes first to seeing my husband, seeing my daughter that was only able to stay for eight days..my parents, siblings, etc. The older I get the longer that list becomes.

One day I said “Lord I am so sorry that you are not first on my mind when I think of heaven.”

This was the reply I heard in my heart.

“Hope, remember the airport scenes of men as they returned from war, and how their loved ones were there to meet them.

When they step through the doorway of the plane, they immediately scan the crowd until their eyes lock together with that one. That one in the picture they wore over their heart, throughout each long day of their physical separation. The one they showed off to their friends. It was her he thought of when he was tired, uncertain, and afraid. When he comes down the stairs and steps into the crowd, he hugs Mom and then Dad, his little brothers, and sisters. One by one takes his children in his arms, then it ends with a big group hug.  But no matter who he was hugging and loving on, his gaze remained locked on that one that shared his heart.”

He continued “Hope I gave you family. I know you love me, and when you arrive in heaven, I know our eyes will meet. Our gaze will lock, and I will enjoy watching you greet each person that you have loved, and those that have loved you.  I know there will be a time when there is no longer anyone between us. A time where everything else will pass away, our gaze will forever connect. We will get lost in an embrace that will last for an eternity.”

This is the Jesus that I held close to my heart. The Jesus that has taken me through my many times of doubt, fear, pain, and loneliness.

So please don’t feel guilty if Jesus isn’t your first thought when you think of heaven. He has His gaze on you and will find pleasure in watching as you greet those you loved, and those that have loved you.

He loves you, and He loves me. It was His idea for us to love one another other.

Blessings! Thanks for Reading!